How to Talk to Loved Ones About Their Roles in Your Plans

Perhaps one of the biggest reasons you're working on an estate plan is to minimize the stress and possible family drama after you pass. While your actual plan will go a long way toward doing that, one way to be more successful is to talk about your plans with those who will play a part in them. Let them know exactly what their roles mean and what they will be expected to do.

Here's a conversation guide to help you think through what you want to say. Keep in mind that these are just examples and that you should make this as personal as possible and include additional examples if necessary to make the role clear.

I've asked you to be my…	What this means is that you will be the person who will …	I'd like you to do this because…	Circumstances when you'd be needed are…	Additional information you might need to know includes…
Health care power of attorney.	Step in to make health care decisions for me if I cannot make such decisions for myself.	I know you will carry out my wishes. You are logical in high-stress situations. You have experience making health care decisions.	If I were unconscious or incompetent to make health care decisions, you'd act on my behalf. Decisions could range from ongoing care or basic medical decisions to emergency decisions in a life or death situation.	Why I've made the health care decisions I have and where any supporting documents are located.
Durable power of attorney.	Step in to make financial decisions for me if I cannot make them for myself.	I trust you to manage my finances. I know that you will be available and willing to devote the time it takes to make these decisions.	If I were unconscious or incompetent to make financial decisions, you'd act on my behalf. You might pay bills, make deposits to or withdrawals from my investments.	Why I've made the financial decisions I have and where any supporting documents are located.
Executor.	Work with my attorney and other financial advisors to settle my affairs after my death.	I trust you and know that you are detail-oriented. You have experience working with professionals.	Settling my affairs after I die. This can include filing taxes, paying bills and making sure all of my property goes where I've decided it should go.	The process I have created with my attorney and when you should contact the attorney. Optional: How and when people are receiving items.
Trustee.	Take charge of the assets placed in my trust.	I trust you to make sound financial decisions and deal fairly with beneficiaries.	If I have a trust, you'll manage those funds for the person who receives the funds.	The plans I've made and decisions I'd want made in different situations.
Children's Guardian.	Raise my children who are younger than 18.	My children know you and love you, and I trust you. If I can't raise them, I feel good about you doing it in my place. I know we share the same beliefs and values.	Raising my children, deciding where they go to school and all other matters regarding everyday living.	Details about how I want my children to be raised.
Beneficiary.	Receive benefits or assets I am leaving behind.	I know you value what I’m giving you and will use what I leave you in a positive way.	Note: Depending on your family situation, you may or may not want to notify people you will be naming beneficiaries.

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source https://www.araglegal.com/education/estate-planning/do-i-need-an-attorney.htm